five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
