I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You are a genius and a whore.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
