oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
