There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
