the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
