You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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