I bet he comes in French.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
