last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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