when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
