did you get engaged???
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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