k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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