I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
