god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
