member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
