med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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