I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
