he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
