so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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