Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
