So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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