Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
