you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
