i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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