In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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