I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
