My friends, they love my intelligence
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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