I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
