he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
