and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
