I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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