Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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