i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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