it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
