i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
