Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
