so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
