I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize