Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
