so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
