I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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