it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
