I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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