yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
