Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
