I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
