I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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