Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
