Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
