all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
