careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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