YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
