My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
